Own experience and knowledge
Well, until I was finally able to enjoy a really healthy sexuality that corresponded to my inner sexual nature, it took no less than 43 years, in words forty-three! Certainly I have already gained my experience with the wrong genital equipment, the sex drive is there, but high quality and emotionally fulfilling is something completely different. Since I have experienced one or the other sexual interlude in almost all transition steps, I can definitely report that with each reaching of a new step, my sexuality also got better.
"My first time" after starting the hormone treatment was halfway interesting because I had a testosterone increase in libido and the finding that the clitoris had increased in size made sexuality exciting in this regard, although it wasn't emotionally fulfilling because there was still too much wrong with my body. I couldn't really let go, especially since the shame was just too great.
Then my first sex after my mastectomy, that was a liberating feeling, even if "down there" I was still outwardly like mother nature had created me, but freed from uterus and ovaries, I felt psychological much cleaner and it was a powerful experience of having got rid of the taboo zone of the upper body and finally being able to allow caresses. On the other hand, the initial euphoria was quickly over, because inside I felt how much I longed for a penis of my own in order to be able to do everything that is just natural for cis-men. The shame was still not gone, because I was ashamed of my wrong female genital. But the sex drive demanded its rights and I didn't want to live as completely as a monk in spite of a steadfast girlfriend and later wife.
Then the sexuality when I had my metaidoioplasty, I was already able to rudimentarily live out my inherent sexuality, even if only to a very limited extent, because a metaidoioplasty is still not a penis, even if I perceived it as my "mini dick" . Sometimes I felt confirmed in my sexuality, which was a very nice feeling and had a positive effect on my almost non-existent self-confidence, the shame was minimally reduced, but it wasn't completely gone, because at the same time I still felt the depths urged to have my own penis of my own flesh and blood.
For a long time nothing followed where I usually only kept myself afloat with masturbation, until I finally had my phalloplasty, testicular implants and glansplasty. The sexual interlude in this phase was very interesting, especially since I was finally able to handle it "the man's way". I felt confirmed all along the line, but the fact that I didn't have an erectile prosthesis made sexuality anything but rich for me. In my sexuality I'm an active man, but the fact that I had to be passive was a very big and painful thorn in my eye. I still had no emotional fulfillment with it, even if, by and large, the sex was much better now, because at least I now had my penis.
At 38, I finally got the erectile prosthesis I had longed for. The masturbation was just gigantic, but unfortunately the sex wasn't the same, I simply had the wrong partner, we just weren't compatible. It therefore took another 5 years until I finally got the opportunity to experience real sex and to be able to fully live out my inner sexual being and the inherent sexuality. And that with a woman who enjoys sex herself, shows it without shame and has no fear of contact with me. The first vaginal penetration of me and the woman got a climax. I was proud like a bunch and my self-confidence made a big leap up. Getting fellatio was a terrific endorsement for me. At the same time I was totally inexperienced and super anxious and very careful, because it was just important to me that she felt good about it and not pressured. In addition, I was terrified of committing a border violation out of ignorance or in the heat of the moment. So, I carefully groped my way to her in my active sexuality and the more we discovered similarities, the more courageous and active I became. In the beginning I was quite passive about the matter, but from time to time I became more and more active and also more self-confident. We mutually discovered our anatomical preferences, experimented, tested, tried different positions, made "fine adjustments" together and became more and more familiar with each other. In the beginning I still had problems getting to the climax at all, I was still too inhibited and insecure, a previously failed relationship with bitter genital insult to myself didn't make it any better and stuck in my bones for a long time.
Today we are a well-rehearsed team sexually, we know our mutual preferences, we know how we can arouse our counterpart quickly and I experience the best sex of my life with her. The fear of violating borders has disappeared, because the sexual area in which I can move freely and uninhibitedly is so large that I can hardly come near the borders. And best of all, I feel boundlessly validated as a man every time I've made a successful interlude with her. In addition, I recommend every heterosexually oriented formerly transsexual man (NIBD) to look for a sexually experienced woman. Because sexual inexperience is counterproductive.
This was a rather "technical" report, in the next chapter I will go into the effects in everyday life that a healthy, active sex life brings with it.
